Archive | May 30, 2011

Frustrations and FMS


The Gremlin is back. Woke up feeling like a truck ran over me in the night. But, I did get some sleep, so chalk up one for that at least. 🙂

Today is kind of a special day, in that it’s the anniversary of when my mate and I met in person for the first time and it’s killing me that I do not feel up to doing anything special, to mark the occasion this year. Now the blessing is, he will understand that ( not to mention he isn’t doing so hot himself lately ) but that I have to make such choices, due to my body, is just frustrating. I mean is going out to dinner, so much to ask of my body ? Today, it is.

But such is our lives, what we plan or even want to do, FM is deaf as a post to any of our requests. Sometimes, I think it’s the most frustrating thing about the crud. You learn to deal with the pain, the problems, the issues, but dealing with the axe it takes to your life, can be hard.

I feel like I am two people sometimes, the person I was, and the one I am now. Now inside, nothing has really changed, outside however, is another matter, entirely. It is kinda like the old joke ” inside every fat person, is a skinny one, screaming to get out” that’s me. Only it’s the healthy person I was, that is banging on the door saying, let me out. And I dearly wish, that I could.

But it does little good to do comparisons, I am what I am now.. and that is the reality of my world and all the wishing I could muster, is not going to change that. So, we ” put on our big girl painties” and just deal, it’s not like we have a choice.  So Happy Memorial day and blessings on our soldiers who we honor this day.

More soon…

BB

Esta

Advertisements