Feeling half way human and running on empty. FMS


Feeling half way human today, for the frist time in weeks. It’s so odd, that we see a day where we are half way alright, as a good day ! I guess FM does one postive thing for us, in that it forces us to be appreciative of small victories, that we otherwise might ignore.

I have been running on sheer nerves and fumes for weeks now it seems, to the point of literally having a major flare with the “shakes” for at least the past week or so. If you have never experienced this one yet, count yourself blessed.

As it’s where the body and mind are so tired, that you find yourself having purpose tremors when you go to do things, often to the point where you cannot do them, at all, and your brain is so overloaded, that even a sudden noise is enough to make you jump out of your skin. You cannot think or process anything worth beans, and your confusion level skyrockets.

You bash into the walls, as your coordination has completely gone to hell. What little of it we have even on a good day. You do not sleep, as you literally cannot, as neither brain or body, will shut up long enough, to let you.

It almost goes without saying, but I will say it anyway, your temper gets more than a bit testy. As I am sure my Mate could attest to 🙂 I know damn well the people in the half a dozen medical dept’s I have either been in or talked to in the past weeks, know it for a fact, unless they are totally tuned out. ( I think some of them really are tuned out, but they are due a major wake up call and I plan on seeing to it, they get it )

This is a flare to the point of sheer flat out exhaustion. You are so tired, mind and body that you can barely function and things just start not to work, at all.

Now, I pride myself on the fact that most of the time, I can manage to work around most things FM throws at me. But between the extremes of weather and much added stress and strain, this time … not so much.

This time, just not enough reserves to deal with things outside of my direct control, my healthcare being a major one, and then to top it all off, have to step around the rocks that FM tends to toss in my path, at the same time, and I have tripped over a whole mess of them. I have the bruises to prove it !

But, finally, seeing a corner turned i think, ( crossing fingers ) and hoping I can regain the momentum, that normally keeps me going….

Welcome to my world 🙂

BB

Esta

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