Tag Archive | stress

Pleasant Pain: Fibromyalgia and the stress and strain of even the good times


It seems weird to say that pleasure can create pain, but it is true. In this case, the pleasure was a family visit. This missive is NOT to complain about them, as it has nothing to do with the family themselves … but rather to explain and hopefully prepare any readers who have FM for the events which likely will happen to them, due to otherwise good or  pleasant events.

My pleasant event … I had my Mother, Daughter, grand-kids here for a week ( as well as a few drop in’s by near by relatives ) Now, this meant trips out, go do things together, making meals for large numbers, total changes in sleep times, life cycles, etc. All for very nice reasons, and I enjoyed having them all around for the week … however FM makes NO distinction between body and mental stress brought on by good times.. or bad, which is my point here. 

In a word, I am paying for the visit in pain, just as I would if I had been through any other stressful demanding set of events.  And given as I was already IN a flare state due to recent surgery ( see prior post ) … I am double dipping here. However, that fact is almost to my benefit. As the body was already maxed out with a flare, so that adding a few more events, did not seem so bad 🙂

However, there were issues the surgery did not create, that the family visit … did. What are these reactions and why do they matter ?

Known VS unknown environments: This one is a combination of factors. When we are out and about, we lack control over the environment, temperature, light levels, exposure to chemicals, pollens, and more. This creates a large stress loop feedback to the body, that by and large we have NO control over. And with a family visit you are more likely to engage in such events.

( I was able to bow out of one of the planned activities  and rain canceled another, so things were not as hard as they could have been. But as we with FM know any trip out for any reason, can be draining  )

Dietary changes: In the normal course of our days, we can eat when we want, how we want etc. ( or rather we can to the extent our Gut permits us too ) If you have a houseful of guests however, their needs become paramount, which almost always means a change in your diet. If for no other reason than the time of day that you eat, will tend to change.

IBS: Which due to the diet changes and general stress, kicks off like so:

Abdominal cramping and pain, Diarrhea and/or constipation, Flatulence …which with a room full of guests can be a problem 😦 Bloating , Abdominal distention, Nausea.

Push Crash: Since you are acting as the host, even with family, you will tend to push yourself to keep up with the obligations that go with that state ( this is true, even if you do manage to bow out of some of the activities as I said above )

Sleep disruption: If  any of the guests stay in the house with you, then your entire sleep wake pattern can and likely will be disrupted. ( In fact, this is likely to be true, even if they sleep elsewhere, as their “day” will start sooner than yours over all, which will force you to cut your sleep hours short to accommodate them ) This creates sleep deprivation in either case.  Which causes problems like so:

Aching muscles, blurred vision, depression, drowsiness, decreased mental activity/concentration dizziness, fainting, confusion, hand tremors (  my dominate hand had the shakes so bad, I could barely hold my glass at one point ) Headache ( understatement say Migraine here ) hyperactivity, hypertension, irritability, memory lapses or loss, nausea.

Just to name a few

General flare: Which is where all issues above, pain etc, intensify. And to top it all off, I got a grand case of Laryngitis from talking so much.

All of the above and more are true.. even IF the family over all does understand what the term FM means and how it affects you for the simple fact, that even if they DO understand, no one who does not live with you, day in and day out, is going to be able to adjust their actions or moderate the demands their presence makes on you to any large degree. As it takes more than just “understanding what it means” what it takes is understanding what it means, for them regarding changing how they behave and the demands they make on you.

And these extra demands, started before they showed up. With extra shopping trips for food stuffs etc, more cleaning activities and the like, just to prepare for their visit.

Now, would I change a thing about any of it ? No, totally enjoyed it and would do it again in a heartbeat 🙂 But a word to the wise, even pleasant activities have a price, if you have FM and it is best to be prepared for the flare and other issues it will create.

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Stages of Grief and FM


FM, like any other major illness, can strike hard. Your life has been changed, by something that is outside of your direct control. FM, in this respect, is no different than if you suffered a major accident and came away with a disability. You will experience the same stages of grief as one does, when you lose a loved one.

These stages must be dealt with. When people suggest to you to “think positive” or ” just stop thinking about it and you will feel better” or the worst one, tell you to  “look on the bright side,” or any one of 100’s of other ways of trying to get you to deny these feelings … ignore them. As the longer you deny the feelings, the longer it will take for acceptance to take place. So don’t let someone try and “jolly” you along, as the sooner you face it and work your way through these perfectly normal feelings, the better off you will be. Just knowing that they are normal, can be a huge help, which is why this page is here.


As with any serious loss, there many stages we go through:

Shock stage: This is the initial paralysis … we are reeling here, as our life as we knew it, just changed.

Denial stage: Trying to deny it’s real

Anger stage: Frustrated, lashing out and generally enraged.

Bargaining stage: Almost desperation, as we try this or that medication, or procedure, with the idea in mind, if we do X we can cure this and it will go away.

Depression stage: When we finally realize, it is real, it’s not going away.

Testing stage: At this point, if we are lucky, we are looking for more realistic solutions.

Acceptance stage: The point where we look forward and move onward.


Shock:

Is generally short lived and will phase out on it’s own.

Denial:

Is an almost automatic reaction. It’s like a built in safety device, until your mind can deal with the idea.

For someone just diagnosed with FM this means, you will tend to try and pretend it’s not there and just go about your daily life, in a “normal” fashion. Which, generally speaking, for anyone with a serious case of FM, is impossible … which you will quickly discover.

Anger:

All of us feel this one. You might get mad at your doctor, for telling you about it. You can get angry at your own body for its betrayal. Anger at others who don’t understand or just don’t get it, is almost a constant. This stage can last for a long time or a short time, but end it must, as a major event, as it’s not helping you. As anger is stressful and any added stress just makes matters worse. But expect it and know you can get over this phase.

Bargaining:

This is when you grasp at straws, the unproven medications, the “try anything” approach, sometimes with disastrous results. This is the point when you would spend any amount of money or put up with any procedure, no matter how outlandish, if it would just make this go away ! So don’t be too surprised at yourself, if you find that you are looking at the most recent “cure” with almost longing eyes. 

Grief or depression:

Once all of that doesn’t work, then comes depression or real grief. This the stage that is the most dangerous, for the simple reason that it can become self perpetuating. But, understand, it’s perfectly normal to feel this way for a while. You almost have to mourn the loss of the life you had and learn to deal with your reality as it now stands. However, you cannot allow this feeling to force you into isolation and withdrawal. If needed, get help for this stage, professionally and medically, if required.

Testing stage: 

By this point, we are ready to look reality in the face and have armed ourselves with a bit more knowledge, to where we can make reasonable choices in our own care. We are ready to honestly test and try more realistic approaches. This is the point when you learn, read, study and put into practice, things that will help you.

Acceptance:

This is where you come to realize, things are as they are and start to look at our lives in terms of … what can we do, not what we cannot, but what we can and then proceed to go out and do it.


This is not a series that you do once and never again, as you will tend to do this same grouping, on a smaller scale over and over. The process is much the same as learning to handle the death of a loved one.

In our history, we used to allow women to live in “Widows weeds” for a year. A woman wore black and a veil for at least a year and was not expected to handle anything of any major aspect, until that year was over. They were given extra consideration and support for that period of time. This was a wise idea, that has unfortunately fallen by the wayside. 

As we fully expect those who have suffered losses, in this case physical ones, to jump right back into life, as soon as they are medically recovered. In our case however, we never “recover” in that sense, as it’s on going. But, as with dealing with a death, it does get easier as time goes on.

Which is where support comes in.


Support groups:

It’s a thing we must have, a circle of friends, understanding spouses and or family members. Our forum was created for just this reason, to provide a support group. ( Give me time to reply to any new post as I am an FMer too )

Now, you will hear of those who say that support groups are the bane of any chronic illness. Do not even remotely listen to such people. There are those, who honestly believe that a mutual support group, is no more than a pity party that will make matters worse for you, not better. They could not be more wrong. A good support group is what keeps you sane, on top of it and working towards improvement. 

The key word here is a “good” support group. If the group you find, just tends to sit around and grouse and moan 24/7, then they are not a good support group. Once in a while if they need to vent, that’s fine, but if venting is all there is going on… this is not helpful. Solutions and suggestions, to surmount the problems they are venting about, those are helpful. It might take a bit of  trial and error to find a group that is helpful to you, but it can be done.


Your spouse or family:

These are your key players. What equals a good support group  in this case ? For your spouse, it means full participation. It is not enough that they believe you and or that they take over the lions share of the financial burdens etc. They need to be part of the solution. 

They need to go with you to your doctor perhaps or attend meetings with your local group. To be part of your exercise program, help you to keep track of your logs and record keeping, your medications, etc. A spouse who is part of the process is better informed and furthermore, these acts also give them the gratification of knowing they are helping you as best they can.

Facts are facts, during the long diagnostic process many a person has found themselves alone. As the mate, who is not part of the process, has gotten fed up with it all and cut and run. Some 75% of such relationships, end in divorce. So for the 25% that hang in there, they need to be part of the process, it’s a must do.

A mate who is not part of the process is, to be very blunt generally part of the problem. As they have left you entirely alone to deal with all of these things, by yourself. And further, since they do not understand what FM is all about, they often make demands of us that we are unable to meet.

Most of us have had to deal with, at some point, the idea of going to work or school for the day, struggling with our jobs, our boss etc. Only to come home to a mate who is complaining because we are too tried to make dinner, or that we had to let the housework slide, or that we have been avoiding sex. The kids might be ragging again because they had to cancel yet another event, as we didn’t feel up to it. Or because we have asked them to take on more responsibility.

It doesn’t take long to become majorly depressed in such a situation, the why … is fairly easy to see. As we are not only having to deal with the illness, we are having to deal with a family who may not be helping matters, by their expecation that everything remain the same. This does not pertain to just your immediate family, it is also for your extended family. For the simple reason, can you say a nightmare at every family gathering if they do not get it.. either ?

Extended Family: Educate them, help them to understand. Take them with you to your doctors appointments and have the doctor tell them what it is all about,  whatever it takes. 

The people who do the worst with FM, are those who are alone, with no support group of any sort. If you cannot convince your extended family members, then you might just do well to limit contact with them. The reason is simple, it doesn’t help you one bit if you are constantly having to battle your in-laws, for acceptance. 

This can be a great loss and hard to handle. However, understand that just because they are related by blood or marriage, doesn’t mean you have to deal with whatever they care to dish out. If what they are creating in your life is more negative than positive, there is no reason you should have to tolerate that, just because they are kin.

The same is true of friends, some will be able to adjust, some won’t. Those who cannot and demand that we behave just as we did before, regardless of the strain this creates for us, is … quite frankly, in my personal opinion … not really a good friend. As a good friend would understand and make allowances. So, this can be yet another loss, the loss of some of our friends.

Friends and fellow FMers:

Blunt fact is, no one is going to really understand how you are doing or how you feel, other than another FMer. We are FMily, as its said, as we, above all, do honestly understand and can relate. Not only that, we have tried things that perhaps you have not, so you can gain from our hands on experiences

Start your own support group:

If there is not a group handy, start your own. It can be a simple affair, meet at a local coffee shop perhaps, and share information. Join an online group, or make one 🙂 there are lots of us out there and with a little bit of work, you can build a net under you, for when FM makes your life a bit too complicated.

Known VS Unknown Environments and FM


Why we tend to stay home.  Isolation or control ?
I happened to hear a comment the other night on a movie about a blind man. It was his Mother telling his new girlfriend ” do not base his ability on what you see him do at home, in an environment he controls” And it rattled around in my brain, until I realized, just how that applies to us with FM.

A large number of us, prefer to stay at home … period. To the point where some of us, are downright agoraphobic. The line from the movie was not the first time I had seen this effect, in action. As I recall seeing the same effect, with those I used to teach.

I was a one on one life skills teacher for persons with Disabilities. I noticed, that when they were at home ( once they got used to the apartment ) they seemed to do pretty well. It was when I got them outside of that environment, that their over all state and general performance, suffered. Once they were used to certain stores and the like, their abilities improved, at least in that place. But if I took them somewhere they had never been, again, performance suffered.

So I had to ask myself, in what way does this apply to our tendency to be ” stay at homes” ? Now, it is a given that often times, we just don’t have the energy to face the chores in the outside world, that is nothing more than fact. But how much of our reluctance, is also due to the fact that we have NO control over that environment ?

Sensitives :

For example; If here at home, it is too hot or too cold, I can walk right over to the controls for the AC or heater and change that. I can strip down or dress warmer, in short, I have some direct control. But what if I am out and about ? Now, I am stuck in whatever I happen to be wearing, having to deal with often sudden shifts in temperature ( say from the AC in the car, to out in the heat to now back in the AC in the building ) and that’s just one aspect, the ambient temperature around us.

Light: Now I don’t know about you, but the horror of florescent lighting is enough to drive me about bonkers. Yet, such lighting is in most public buildings, or doctors offices. So yet another thing my body does not like and reacts rather badly to, that I have no control over. Not to mention, we do not do very well in bright sunlight either.

Rest to action phases: Now, at home, if I need to rest, I can just stop whatever it is I am doing on most days and go lay on the sofa and watch TV or read a book. I can even go take a nap if i want. When I am out ? None of those things apply.

Smells: At home, we can to a high degree, control what we smell. Outside and going about, we have little to no control over the major assault on our senses from all manner of things, from the detergent aisle at the grocery store, to the woman sitting next to us on the bus, who bathed in her perfume. Let us not even get into the nasal assault we suffer when walking into any doctors environment.

Noise: Now this one I know for a fact is an issue, as I wear an MP3 player around my neck with ear clamp headphones, literally everywhere I go, to block out the noise all around me. As any failure to do so and I come home even more wiped out, than if i didn’t block it all out. And again, in my own home, most of the time, unless the TV is on, which is rare … the only noise is the AC running, as total quite is preferred. ( Which is why noisy neighbors about drive me crazy )

Desensitization or over excitation:

Now some might say, we are creating our own problem by exercising such strong control over our home environment, as it does not prepare us for the assault on the body in the outside world. And in my personal case, they might even have a point. As in my current situation, I have almost total control over most aspects of my home environment, but what about those of us who have a house full of kids, husbands, wives, pets etc ? Granted, even they have some greater control over their personal space, but not nearly so much as I do … yet… they suffer the same issues as I do, when they go out and about.

So what are we really dealing with here ? A case of, we shelter ourselves and therefore suffer more when we go out, or a case of we would suffer even more, if we did NOT control our personal environment, as then we would have NO respite from it ?

Even in most of the rules, regarding persons with disabilities, there is always a clause stating that they should have in all cases, where possible, the”least restrictive environment .” In fact, in persons with the more common disabilities, there are major protocols in place to reduce the distress of the shift from a controlled to a non controlled environment. A read of the research shows clearly that you can find notations to health professionals, in plenty for just about everybody.. except us. Now, granted, the more severe the disablement, the more complex the protocols, but to my way of thinking, perhaps there needs to be some created for us.

For example: At the doctors office, less bright lights if you please, which makes it a need to….Lose the waiting around for hours in crowded noisy waiting rooms, put us in a private room to wait, with dimmer lights. Let us sit with our feet up if we need to, as for most of us the forced legs down position for hours means, we will fall down when we go to get up.

Simplified forms to fill out or have the nurse just ask the questions and fill it out for us
Bring us warmed blankets, if we have to wait, so we don’t get chilled, as most doctors offices are like refrigerators.

Just these things alone, would make what can be a horror of pain and distress, a typical visit to a doctors office, into something a lot more comfortable to endure. And I think it is high time, we started asking for them.

More soon….

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New medications, the trials and tribulations and FM


Goddess help me. I HATE trying new meds. I look at them with all the trepidation of a ticking bomb.  ENT give me no less than three of em. Now I have the good sense not to start all three at once.. the first one wasn’t so bad.. minor body rush for a few moments…. a wee bit of tired ( it’s supposed to be taken at night, so no harm there ) and it does seem to help a bit for what its for. Ok. so far so good, kept that up a few days.. same results.  Medication accepted.

So today I try med number two…… and ugh… Ever try those really rough OTC anit histamines ? The ones that make you shake like a tree in the wind ? The ones that just wipe your brain ?

This one is just like that times 3-4. and so far.. it has almost every so called “Minor” side effect the thing says it might have, and a few not ON the list to boot.. at this rate, I might even be allergic to it.. but not sure on that yet.. all I know is I feel crappy. Monitoring the reactions and will take whatever steps needed. But off hand I would say this one is a NOT !

It makes me doubly suspicious, to even look at number three that I have yet to try and what’s funny.. this one that I just did a while ago..was NOT the one my pharmacy had doubts about. Let’s just say it makes me real leery about the one he DID have doubts about to where I might not even try it… at all. And have him tell my doctor that nix on both the sprays.

And whats worse, Doctors, over all anyway, do not seem to understand this hesitance to try new stuff. They act like any side effects are just something to be endured.

Well news, when you have Fibromyalgia and a half a dozen other aliments, that already make you feel like crap.. you do not feel that adding further discomforts.. for perhaps little gain, is bloody worth it.

As the effects are additive. This one might cause headache, thanks.. I already have them quite enough as it is.. without courting more. This one says do not take pain meds with it.. it’s called HELLO.. your telling me I have to choose between a stuffy nose or be in pain for the day ? Pain that the medication itself… is causing ?

This one causes diarrhea….it’s called again, thanks a heap. I already have that problem and I do not need it aggravated. This one says will be worse with muscle relaxants.. which I take daily. Are you seeing the trend here ?  

Do Docs even read or understand the possible effects of the meds they hand out ? Or do they just see how it might help the one thing they are focused on ?

Whatever happened to holistic healing ? As in take all factors into account and deal with the entire person and the side effects to benefits ratio of all of your medications.. combined ?

I am willing to bet they don’t stop to think about that very much. But WE have to, as we are the ones taking everything, combined and their combined effects are what matter here.

Sigh.. hoping that perhaps this one won’t send me to ER AGAIN ! But am holding out judgement on that, until I feel normal again.

When will Health personal get it.. that you have to take all effects into account for the over all well being of the client ? 

Think a few good thoughts for me that these effects go away in a little while with nothing more to show for it, than a crappy day, which I have NO intention of repeating.

BB

Esta

 

Avoiding FM flares


Hello all, sorry I have not posted recently. I have not fallen off the face of the planet 🙂 But have been busy and fighting off an FM flare, all at the same time. I say fighting one, as most of you with FM know, that you can feel it coming on and you do your best to stave it off.

What I call, letting the dragon sleep. It’s like we all have this huge sleeping dragon, with anger management issues, curled up somewhere,  that we hope, stays dozing away. Since no one in their right mind would walk over and kick it awake, as it’s a foul tempered beast and the first thing it would do, is take a few bites outta us, and walk all over us in the process.

So it begs the question of ” how do we stave off a flare ?”  These things and many more…..

Take the time to rest: Means just what it says, just do it and never mind the voice in the back of your head trying to tell you otherwise.

Don’t wait till the crash before you do something: As in do not wait until the last moment, before you take preventive steps.

Postpone or get rid of unneeded tasks: Just what it says, if something does NOT need your direct participation, then don’t do it.

Delegate: Again, just as it says, hand things off and  go do what you need to do, in order to avoid forced down time.

Plan things: This one might be obvious but there is nothing more energy wasting than a poorly thought out activity, no matter what it is, so get your act together here and your body will thank you.

Know the things that make you crash: We all have our personal “triggers” if you will. A great many we share in common but some, some are very one of a kind to us alone. Figure out what they are for you, and avoid them.

Acceptance: Face some facts, flares are going to happen, it’s a given, so beating yourself up for having one, is not only pointless, its a recipe for making the flare… worse, not to mention, stay longer. So do not do this to yourself.

Leave some flex room: Life doesn’t have script. If at the last moment we need to change things, based on how we feel right now.. then do it, change it. Do not just keep right on, with whatever it was, if you are not up for it, as you will pay the price, in pain.

Ditch the stress: I think this one is pretty self explanatory 🙂

Learn when to say No: Tough one for most of us, as we tend to feel guilty if we say no. But let’s again face some facts, we do not have the fund of energy we once had, period.

So we have to ration what we do have, and that often means, saying no, to a great many things. If in doubt as to what you think should be on the NO list, refer to Postpone or get rid of unneeded tasks:

Now, on my site ( see side bar for link ) you will find a more detailed, and less personal description as to what these all mean, as well as many others, but in basic.. this is how it works, this is how you work around the flare, on tip toe if need be, which is where I have been for a while. Which meant that this, my blog was one of the things that had to go on the list of…. later.

But I hope now that it is back, I can post more often, but…. one never knows 🙂

More soon

Esta

The worst kind of flare and FMS


Well, I made about a million phone calls, and got my car back from the shop. Yeah ! So a few things going right for the day. Tonight we have ritual, for Mid summer, and for the first time in a long time, I need it. It has been a pretty stressed out few weeks. Flare from hell going on.

Tired, does not even begin to cover how I feel right now. It is like someone staked me out under our hot Texas sun and let me bake for a week. Crisp fried to a crackly crunch. As far as my nerves go anyway. I have not had the shakes, in a long time.

Now, those of us with FM, know exactly what I am talking about, but for those of you who don’t, what that means, is the system is so overloaded that: Noise makes you jump, lights stab your eyes, your hands and limbs literally shake, when you try to use them. A mouth like sandpaper, skin so sensitive, that even the wind blowing on it, makes your nerves  jump. Muscles under the skin do this little dance, for no good reason … and all of the tingling, crawling sensations it’s possible to have. And of course, the pain is way over magnified too.

Now the why of all of this is simple, its the nervous system, gone completely haywire, over amplifying  signals all over the place, to where nothing is being felt even close to normal ( or at least, as normal as it gets for us with FM ), as its all in major overdrive. It is the worst kind of flare one can have and I am in it. With little to do, but grit my teeth and hang on, until it passes.

The pain all of this brings, thankfully, I can at least tone down, even if I cannot get rid of it entirely, as my doctor finally gave me some real painkillers, wimpy though they maybe. I take two of them at once, as one at a time every 8 hours, doesn’t even put a dent in it ! But I behave, and only take two in any given day, which is just what she allows for.

So taking it as easy as I can on myself here, which is not saying much, as there is a lot to do, and I will just try and hang together long enough, to see the things done, without working myself right into my bed.

Actually bed sounds good, right about now… but “things to do and people to see” as the saying goes, so will have forgo that..for now.

More soon..

Esta

Relationships and Chronic Diseases


Well, feeling something closer to a human being today. Not quite, but getting there. The body is still working off the stress of the past week. And it’s telling on me. So plan to take it easy for the day. Which is going to be hard, as my To do, list and obligations, won’t let me just entirely play hooky for the day, as much as I really should.

But I do plan to make things as light on myself, as possible. The reasons for it, are simple, if I do not, all that will happen is the flare I am already in, will just get worse and stay longer.

This one comes hard for most of us with FM. This having to pace things, or just plain back off and do little to nothing for the day. You almost cannot stop yourself from thinking about all the things you need to do, obligations you have made to others, work that needs to be done. ( that one is bugging me most right now, as money is a real issue in the current day in our house, as it is for so many in the country … blessings on them all )

But it is stressful, to say the least and when you combine that, with two people, who both have chronic diseases, who are having to deal with it all, it has its effects. For example:

The old man and I started snapping at each other last night, over nothing really, as neither of us is in good shape right now and we both are feeling the pressure of money, slow social services systems and over all medical issues.

Generally we are very good and considerate to each other, but some days, we get a little snippy. It happens, and in a good relationship, you realize what it is really all about and forgive each other such lapses and go on.

Chronic illness takes its toll on both the body and the mind, and most certainly any relationship you have. And, as in our case, if you both happen to have one or two, or three, make that price the usual and then square it. As it triples in size. That we don’t fight like cats and dogs all the time, is a testament to our ability to control ourselves.

As well as the fact that we do indeed, understand how the other feels, the strain and pressure we are under, which is being increased by external events, over which we do not have much control.

This is not the case for so very many people ( for most it is called split up city for a good 75% of unions when under such pressures ) and I count myself very blessed, that we are not part of that statistic.

In short, we both ” get it”. He knows of the FM and the host of other issues I have, the sleeping issues, IBS problems, that I am gonna forget things, etc. and I understand the strain and frustration he is under right now, with four surgical procedures in the last two years, being bumped out of any work he used to do due to on the job injury ( which is what two of those operations, where for ) and facing retraining.

All of the above means of course, no work for him, and the support payments from the insurance company, stopped over a year ago. Now, as if all of that were not enough, he also has full blown diabetes, recently diagnosed, high blood pressure and Hepatitis C that has been there a long time, but has decided to raise its ugly head again. All of these, we are fighting to get under control.

It is a more severe test of our bond, that either of us, ever expected, but still, we “get it”. As that is what it takes, for any union, when disabilities of any kind enter the picture. You have to really understand, in as much as anyone who in not standing in your shoes, can understand, what it all means.

For starers, you help each other, remind each other to take your medications, you help each other with Physical therapy, you just do whats needed to be done so you can to maintain the household and divide it up according to what each is “able” to do. You appreciate everything your partner does, as anything above and beyond picking up after themselves, is a gift, make no mistake about it.

I hand my mate the list of possible side effects for any new medication I am on, so he knows what to watch for and he does the same for me. We both know what the other is on, or know where to find that information, if one of us crashes and has to be hauled off to the hospital, the other knows, what to tell them. Allergies in particular.

Now I am sure that some might say ” well that is what anyone does for their mate” and they might be right, in their own unions. However, when both have chronic diseases, that could at any time, cause major problems, the other party ” must” know, exactly what is going on. What tests have been done, etc.

At that point, we are not talking about just knowing things about each other, we are talking knowing their issues, and numbers and the like, so well, that we can literaly step into their shoes and give medical personel the info they need, in their place, that could literally make the difference, between life and death. That, takes work, do not even kid yourself about it.

So the split city that happens for so many, when you realize what it all means, is not really that much of a surprise. What is the surprise, is unions like ours, that survive these assaults.

Blessings to all who struggle with such events, and most certainly, to my mate 🙂 As I do not know how my life would be, without him.

BB

Esta